my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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