Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day