ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.