do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."