My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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