evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket