MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast