So drunk its hurt
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
