I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
