Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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