her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
