if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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