i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
