the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
