He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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