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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
