You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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