And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
