I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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