don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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