The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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