I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
