from now on my penis is your penis
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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