i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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