but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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