Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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