in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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