I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck appropriateness.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
