I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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