The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
