why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
