He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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