Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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