yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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