I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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