It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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