i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
