i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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