YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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