I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
