Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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