Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
