Small penises have feelings too.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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