I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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