I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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