Betty ford says i'm here all night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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