Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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