apparently the secret to your success is patron
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
