i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
