Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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