I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize