hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
