Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize