God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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