So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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