It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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