when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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