i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
