Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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