oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
