i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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