Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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