If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
