I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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