I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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