I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
