but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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