they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
