I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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