There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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