So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
