Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Farmville is her only friend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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