R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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