I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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