Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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