I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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