he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I could fuck to npr.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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